Moody

Jeeze, I can be such a jerk.



But I know when I'm out of line and am able to admit it. I'm just unhappy with where I am for the time being. And I want nothing more than to be there with you. Like I said, of course I'm going to be jealous of anyone and everyone that is able to see you :) It just makes it loads worse to know that I am the one that chose to leave in the first place. And even though I made the decision over someone else, I still didn't choose to stay with her. I keep telling myself that I still chose to leave in order to give us a chance. And she is well aware of why. It makes sense, especially if you know my character.

I guess I never expected it to go this far. I didn't really envision anything becoming serious. I was at a very low point and was convinced that the only reason people acted as though they were interested in me is because they had ulterior motives. They always wanted something out of me and I was never given anything in return. She is different though. She is genuine and sincere. She truly cares about me and wants to see where this will take us both. It caught me at just the right time. I needed this. I needed her.

We've had our issues. One of two have honestly been major. But the rest of them were blown up far worse than they ever should have been. And like I said before, there have been very few reasons for either of us to hold anything harsh against each other. I think that the distance really plays a part in all of this. It's irritating and frustrating. It evokes jealous feelings almost by default. At times it causes you to play out these elaborate story lines in your head when you don't know what's going on with the other person. You take things to heart too easily. It can really be a mess.

We're working on all of this though. And before too long I will be back. I honestly feel that everything will continue to get better at a rapid rate after that. There are just too many things we're missing out on. Laiah is upset because she feels that we should be best friends but we just haven't really had the time to grow to that level. We used to talk for hours every day and night any time she had a break. Realistically, that couldn't continue for the entirety of my time away. You cannot waste every day away on the phone. We both need to have a real life as well. Once I am back, that is the first thing I plan to work on. I am extremely close to her, but I want to make her my best friend as well. There's not much room for progression in a relationship if you are unable to make your significant other your other half.

I know that we tend to go back and forth between casually dating and being extremely serious. She scares easily. I am aware she doesn't have a whole lot of experience in real relationships, but I am willing to help her along the way and back off when she needs me to...even if she's the one that initiates all the lovey dovey talks of us and makes me follow her lead. Haha. I am perfectly fine with where we are and living in the now as long as I have her word that she wants it to continually grow. No one wants to wake up one day, roll over, and hear, "well that was fun for a bit." lolz.



I'm sleepy. Off to nap some more. But wedding with Kevin today. Woo!!!!!!