Homeward Bound

Tomorrow night after work.
Ahhhhh!

Fridayyy

I'm really not a bad person.
I'm just not up for settling.
You can't make others happy if you're not happy.

Wow.
So he did make the right decision.

Funny how it can take you so long to realize something that you've spoken so adamantly about yourself.


Well, now I feel like a jerk.
But it's for the best.




Our new roommate is moving in on Monday to replace Joanna. I believe it's going to be some guy named Mike. Josh picked him out. I've never met him. We'll see how that goes.


Oh, oh, oh! And my mother went on and on about how she doesn't know where she went wrong and how upset she is that I left Loyola and quit pursuing a science major. As if I don't have enough to worry about. Let's add on disappointed parents.



And Michelle is moving to the Humbolt on Sunday!!! Walking distance. I miss her.



Mmm, work all weekend. Make that money.

Woo

for new faces.
for Hot Rod.
for N.W.A.



Bowling tonight?



Mark and Jamie are coming to visit in a couple of weeks! Ahh!!! A bit of southern IL here in Chicago. I could piss my pants.

Hand Holding

Boys-








Just say no.

Wednesday

I love workkkkk.

Come watch Flight of the Conchords with me.
K?
Thanks.

Finally!

Moved into the new apartment.
Heck yes!

H&M interview went great. I should be hearing from them in about 3 days. Yessss.

Work tomorrow.
Friends from home this weekend?
I sure hope so.


I love Chicago.
I miss my family.



All for now.

Questioning Me?

When am I going to start caring about the people I hurt along the way? If you are anyone other than Lando, fuck off.

Anyone back at home that wants to pretend like they still know me or know what type of person I am can go to hell. You don't know me. You know nothing about me. I'm not the same person I was when I left seven months ago.

The only one who deserves an apology is Lando.
And not for what I did.
For how I went about it.



For those of you that I truly care about, I should be making a trip down there soon. And it's much needed. I miss and love you guys more than anything.

Happy, Happy, Happy

I was asked today why I'm always so happy.

By reading many of my posts as of late, it may be hard to be believe, but I am generally a happy person. I'm extremely optimistic and have a love for life.

Today I was described as "wide eyed and always smiling; the first to interact with anyone and everyone without thinking; appreciative of hard work; ready to lend a hand; and constantly running around with an endless supply of energy."

Not a bad description. It's always nice to hear that someone is a fan of my personality. If I can better someone else's day even the smallest amount with something as small as a smile or the willingness to lend an ear, I feel accomplished.



So generally, why am I so happy? Life is good. I may have a lot of cruddy things happen to me, but I know there is always someone out there that has it a lot worse. So, who am I to dwell on my unfortunate events and complain? Alright, alright. I do my fair share of complaining. But I try to not let these periods of depression span for very long. And when they do, I try to ensure that it's only over something really, very important to me.



Life may get me down from time to time, but Chicago really is an amazing city. I truly love it. It just gets lonely. I long for one, just one deep rooted connection with another individual here. But those require impeccable character judgment and time to build a foundation.

Sometimes you meet someone and you just know that you want them to be a huge part of your life. There's an instant connection. That just doesn't happen often enough. Maybe I'm too picky. I seem to waste my time and effort on people who don't want the same thing from me in return.

Maybe it's time to hit the Craigslist Missed Connections section. Maybe someone saw me on the train and "felt" something. ahhahaha. I love poking fun at silly people. What else am I going to do at one in the morning?

Penny For Your Thoughts

Lando sent this to me today-




He youtube's too much.
:)

Obsession

I think I'm going to be listening to this a lot.
And for good reason.
Thanks, Jared.


Meeting at Aveda was great today. Hopefully I'll be starting classes in November. That's the plan, anyway. Stoked.

Settling Down

Things are really starting to come together for me again. I'm really enjoying my new job. I'm moving into my apartment this coming week. I received another call from H&M and then want me to come in for a second interview. Woo. I'd be super stoked to get hired there as a second job.

Aveda tomorrow. I keep oversleeping and missing my appointments. Ugh.

Some of my friends from home are promising to visit soon.
I make cinnamon pancakes every single day.
Lando is speaking to me again.

Good, good, Great.



And Christopher, I owe you an apology.

Turn Around

Mmm, so I work again today at 5. It's a great feeling just to feel self sufficient again. Gahhhhh. It's about time. Tomorrow I have an appointment with Aveda. That should be fun. Then work again. Completely free Friday. Supposed to hear back from H&M. Work Saturday afternoon. Church Sunday night.

One day at a time.

I was asked to move to Portland in May. We'll see how Chicago treats me until then. But I did promise to consider it.

All the girls from Mertz Hall 6th floor will be arriving next week. Ahhh! I miss those girls like crazy. Why did I decide to transfer again? I can't believe I even made it into that school to begin with. I would have been set upon graduation with a career and plenty of financial stability. Blehhh. I think I made the right choice...as hard as it was.

And I'm still listening to a ton of Phil Spector's productions from the 60's. I'm not sure why it's putting me in a good mood. All those girls talk about are their "baby"s, getting married, and being heartbroken. But they do it in a ridiculously upbeat manner. I wish I could be that peppy when it comes to that subject matter.



Michael Phelps is a God.
The end.

Even Now

I'm here for you whenever you need to talk.


&&
You're still not giving yourself enough credit.
Cut it out.

Ooey Gooey

Monkey bread.
Monkey bread.
Monkey bread.
Monkey bread.
Monkey bread.
Monkey bread.
Monkey bread.
Monkey bread.
Monkey bread.
Monkey bread.
Monkey bread.
Monkey bread.
Monkey bread.
Monkey bread.
Monkey bread.
Monkey bread.
Monkey bread.
Monkey bread.

Four Daysss

Miko and Bob are gone for four days. Sara and I have the apartment to ourselves. It's going to be a blast! Just what I need. Lots of girl time. Plus, we're going to have a sweet soiree. If you're lucky, you'll get an invite :)

Mmm, more brownies and lots of board games. Cleaning and playing with the kittens. Speaking of which, I picked out one :)

The little gray and white one in the back, yes, all mine!!



Isn't it the cutest thing ever?? Yes, I thought so.


I'm a be alright.

Olympics

I love Jonathon Horton.



&
Michael Phelps.




&&
Justin Spring




&&&
Alexander Artemev






&&&&
Sara and I baked brownies.


That is all.

Phil Spector

I fell asleep listening to Brent's record player again. This time, an all girl groups oldies compilation. It was great. Reminded me of when I was younger. It's all my grandma used to play for me. I wish music were still like that. Everything was so happy and upbeat.

I skipped out on another party last night. I don't want my friends to think that I'm a flake or that I'd rather hang out with other people. I'm just not ready to get back into the swing of that. Alcohol isn't going to make me feel any better. In fact, it'll probably make me feel even worse. So, I'm fine with just taking it easy. Drinking green tea and making faces and noises at raccoons climbing trees next to the porch. Listening to Brent sing while playing guitar and harmonica. Hearing all the plans Kyle has for more ink. Listening to old and new records. Lying down by 8. Missing more of Derek's drunken phone calls in the middle of the night. Not waking up until 10:45. Not getting up until 1. And now some PB&J.


Things will get better because I'm making them get better.
Formal closure would still be nice.

I Was Out of Your League

You were out of my league
At a distance that I didn't wanna see
Wanted you nearer

Met a neat girl named Jenn last night. Maybe we'll become the best of pals. Joshwaaa and I walked all the way over to Logan Square to hang out with her. I had a killer headache from not having any caffeine intake. It was miserable.

The weather was super nice and still is. Enough to cheer me up a tad.

And true affection floats
True affections sinks like a stone
I never felt so close
I never felt so all alone

Go Figure

Flaked again. No wonder I asked at least a dozen times if he were being serious.

Sometimes it still amazes me how selfish people can truly be. Never will you find a girl that would still speak to you after you admitted to cheating on her twice. Never will you again find a girl that booked a flight to visit you within 4 days just because you askd her to. And you sure the hell will never find another girl who was ready to drop her entire life to move 900 miles away to be near you. You think you're depressed and miserable now? Tell me how you feel later on when you're still all alone.



Good news - Found a job. Only took a day...on the VCU campus in Richmond. Great news - Found a job here in Chicago the next day...finally. Good news - Found a one bedroom apartment without the need for a cosigner...3 blocks from the VCU campus. Great news - I can now move into Josh's apartment.

Went to Brent's and played in the fire hydrant at 2 in the morning last night. Then I lost my wallet. Does it ever end? Really? My ID was in it along with my credit card and debit card. My CTA passes and all my cash as well. I still had my boarding pass from Detroit to Norfolk in it. Not to mention, I really loved that wallet. Ughhhhh. I don't even know what I'm going to do. I can't start my new job without my ID.

I'm going to go search for it now. Then I have a decent weekend lined up. Some Pride fest off Belmont with Michelle. Chill time with Brent. Some shopping with Sara for work attire. Possibly seeing Pineapple Express again. Movies with Jeenah Jonesss. Mmmm!

Again

And just like that, I'm happy again.

It's odd to have my mood vary so greatly dependant upon one person. It's never happened quite like this in the past. Then again, no one has seemed to care as much. No one else was there to worry about me or what was going on in my life. There wasn't a single person who cared to ask where I was or who I was with. He may have stopped showing it for awhile, but to know that he has it in him makes it all seem worthwhile.

Everyone has faults. And I'm willing to forgive him for his downfalls. It's worth it to me. And that's all that matters.


Richmond as soon as humanly possible.

Never

Never, get attached.
Never say I love you.
Never let yourself become addicted.
Never let it become habit forming.
Never completely give yourself away.
And above all...

Never, ever, EVER get engaged.

I swear, no one has any respect for anyone else's feelings anymore.

At least learn to appologize.
Maybe even pretend to actually mean it.

Hip Hip Hooray

Yay for free Coldstone and Fast Times at Ridgemont High.
Woo for Clarke's coffee and cheering up Miss Jeenah Jones.

It's really nice knowing that people appreciate having me around to talk to.
It almost makes staying here seem worth it.

Upside

I realize that most of my recent posts are written out of anger or frustration. So, I figured I'd take some time out to think of what's going alright in my life at the moment.


I may not have an apartment, but I have great friends that let me crash whenever I need to.

I may not have a job, but my family is all about making sure that I'm not without what I need.

I'm terribly homesick, but I have a friend offering to drive me so that I don't have to take a 5 and a half hour train ride by myself.



Good news, I have an apartment as long as I can land a job. Brian moved out of Josh, and Joanna's. Jo is leaving as well. So Josh and I get to roommate search together. Wooo!

Ohhh, and yay for over two weeks of sobriety. Okay, okay. Totally not a big deal. But I've done it on purpose. And, it's left me completely miserable at some uptight, pretentious hipster bashes. But this blog is not one for complaining.


Yay for Plainfield and Delgado.
Yay for meeting new people like Selena.

Yay for boys stealing my phone while I'm sleeping to call their phone and get my number without my knowledge. Creepy? Nah. Most definitely cute.

And now, yay for some good ole southern sugar gritsss.
MMMM!

Yes, You are Hardheaded, Pal. But so am I.

You having a crush on me isn't going to make me stay.
Stop fucking asking me if I am every time we talk. I'm sick of hearing it. I'm sick of thinking about it. Don't you think I have enough on my mind??

I've said it numerous times that it's dependant on whether or not I get a job soon enough. So leave me the hell alone about it.

Like I'd stay for a boy anyway.
The hell with that.

You don't even know me.
Okay, you think I'm cute.
You find me funny.
But the only reason you're still trying to tag around is the fact that I'm not showing you the time of day. You always want what you can't have. And I sure the fuck don't have any interest in you...or anyone else for that matter, lest your name be Dallas Taylor.


I guess the point being, I'm sick of being objectified. Boys only care to talk to me because they think I'm attractive. And that's all it is. All they want to talk about is music, tattoos, and American Apparel.



AND JUSTIN, stop lurking my blog if you're going to get pissed off over what I have to say. Don't do shitty things to people, and they won't have shitty things to say about them.

Saturday

Not excited for the weekend.
It just means two days I can't job hunt.


I woke up in an odd mood.
I just want to talk.
Only, once again, there's no one here.




I'm sick of feeling alone.

Done with '08

Justin #1, the ex fiance who is now fucking my ex best friend, paid a visit unexpectedly to my grandma yesterday. He tried to convince her to give him my number. She refused to give it to him, thankfully, even though he continued to argue with her over it. Unfortunately, he proceeded to call my mom for it, and she gave in and let him have it. Supposedly he still "cares" about me and wants to be my "friend." I'm not looking forward to that call to say the very least.

Zak called me today to give me a heads up that Justin is moving back to Chicago. He just left maybe a month ago. But guess who he's bringing with him. I do believe he stated our downfall was due to the fact that we took things too fast by moving in together. They've been seeing eachother for no more than a month-ish. Oh please just knock her up and leave her for a fake whore you met on the internet. He's already had experience with the latter.



But what's most upsetting about my night, apparently me trying to be there for a "friend" that I do actually care about is completely worthless. Whether or not I will ever understand, I'm always going to be there for moral support. Even if I'm of no help with what's going on in your head, I can at least try to get your mind off of it for awhile. Stop being so hard headed, and learn to let people show that they care about you.



Oh,
Radiohead.
mmm.

Ouchh

I've never done so much walking in such a short amount of time in my life. Still searching for a job. Ughhh.

I'm a sneak into Lollapalooza either tonight or tomorrow afternoon. Mmmm.


Oh, and my first trip to the beach since I've been up here this weekend. I need some relaxing time.