Yes, No, Maybe So?

I'm just not in the mood to deal with fickle people right now. I have had enough trouble trying to get over how wish-y wash-y I can be. If you are not sure that you can stick to a plan you have set out, do not tell me that you are going to. Just save it until you know for sure. It will be that much better if and when the time arises.


Jealousyyyyy.
Well, hell yes I'm jealous. But I won't single it out toward one person. No, no, no, no. Anyone and everyone that crosses paths with you each and every single day that I am not there. Yeah, that's about right. And I sure the hell have no desire to go through your phone. If I thought I needed to, I wouldn't waste my time on you. But that's not the case. I'm still here. And for good reason.


Why am I so irritable again all of the sudden?

I Was a Good Fuck

Why is it that every time I start to think we could possibly be friends, you do or say something that completely disgusts me? I was seriously starting to feel like that whorebag cunt, Helen Hunt character in that Lifetime movie. You know, the one that knows the piece of shit is no good for her but cannot learn to say no or separate herself from him. At least it didn't take me a miscarriage and losing the one person that cares for me most to come to my senses. Lucky me, right?


Laiah visited me for a few days. It was much needed. I didn't realize how much I missed her until I had her here in front of me knowing she would eventually have to leave again. Ughhhhhh. As an upside, her and Miguel are moving here in a few months if all goes according to plan. Wooo! I seriously love both of those kids. Plus, I have to admit, I'm really not ready to head back to Chicago. And I think it'll be quite some time before I am. I find that as a whole, there are a lot less fake people here...or at least, the ones that are happen to be extremely easy to center out.

Oh, I've realized that I really, really miss talking to Lando. And, I wish Christopher didn't sound like such a hardass or so full of hate all the time. I still think you're wonderful, sir.

Anywho, I'm off to bed. I'm super sickly. Someone brought their Chicago germies to me, haha.

Her

She's not letting go.
And for that I am truly thankful.


I'm not always the easiest person to get along with. When I'm stressed out I get moody and easily irritated. It's not fair to those around me. But I'm happy that the ones that truly matter are understanding and willing to help me work through my issues.

I'm really not alone.

April

This month has been jumbled together. It seems as though so much has happened, but yet so very little.

Here I am in Colorado. I had mixed feelings about the move. The excitement didn't hit me until I was already here. I planned to move back to Chicago at the end of the summer, but now I am no longer sure that I will be ready. I have so much to explore here. I'm not sure that a summer is enough time to do it justice. Not to mention, it would be a lot easier on me to start school here. However, I don't plan on going back to a university quite yet. My aunt almost has me talked back into going to Aveda. It's an 11 month program if I recall correctly. That gives me time to enjoy the new area and a job to pursue once I head back to Chicago. Honestly, I'm not all too worried about a long term career right now.

That is out of the norm for me. I am so used to planning everything so far in advance. But I'm working on breaking that habit. I nearly drove myself insane before. I am perfectly fine right now. I want to enjoy myself and learn to be alright with me. I'm my toughest critic. I have done a lot of wrong, and I've made some bad decisions as of late. And as most of us know, I need some time to heal.

It's beautiful here. It really is. I feel so at ease for the first time in what seems like forever. But I am having some issues with missing people back in Chicago. Some of those people helped me through one of the roughest years of my life. And for that, I am truly thankful.


I suppose this will suffice as a decent update.
You kids don't be strangers.
Visit me. We can go camping. Woooo!