As Good as it Gets?

Anyone who truly knows me is aware of how tumultuous my life can be at times. Sometimes I think it's my own fault. I let myself get bogged down with day to day life and let others' moods have too great of an effect on my own. While this can be great at times, it appears that more often than not there is a far greater amount of negativity to be found in the world. Or maybe that's just me being pessimistic again.

This is not a post to complain about how horrid I have it. I do not think I have it in me to even attempt to make anyone understand what I'm feeling at this moment.

There are so many thoughts that have constantly been circulating throughout my head as of late.

I want stability. I want security. I want love. I want to be wanted. I want to hurry up and get paid. I want to really settle into Chicago. I want friendship. I want platonic relationships. I want to understand. I want to be patient. I want to learn to take others' advice. I want to be trusting. I want to be trusted. I want to know that it's all worth waiting for. I want to be appreciated. I want to erase all doubt.

I Want.
I Want.
I Want.

But what I need to focus on is figuring out what I need.


I used to be a hopeless romantic disguised as a realist. But now it's no secret that this isn't the case. I know what I want and need.

Has there been any real change spoken of sober?
Is getting along as good as it gets?


I'm not unhappy. I have my job back and soon will come financial stability and further responsibility that is much needed. I have a wonderful new roommate that provides mature advice and is always around to talk. I'm no longer stuck sitting around with nothing better to do than think about all the bad.

I just feel that there is so much more that I could possibly be experiencing. I feel as though I'm missing out on what matters to me most. I'm happiest with another. I have so much love and compassion to give. But I don't want to be the one giving it away. I want to share. I NEED to share.