Text Messages

I lock the ones that make me happy.



From: Christopher Glenn Phillips
I am here to talk you faggot.
Sep 5, 1:35 pm

Hahaha. While I've talked to him about things I've never uttered to another person, I don't think I'll ever have it in me to do anything more than scratch the surface on anything of depth with him again.

From Joshwaaa Chambers
In your mouth and everyone's coming...Mike said that.
Sep 15, 9:41 pm

I love and miss the old Josh and our ex roomie Mike. He never cooked for me like he said. AND, he still owes me ice cream.

From: Barak
Remember how we use to walk together like EVERY DAY and I'd always be late for class cause you insisted I walk you to yours first? lol.
Sep 15, 10:28 pm

Oh, Barak, how I miss you and my Junior year of high school. Now you're engaged and I fear we'll never be as close again. Blame it on me. I suck.

From: Lando Michael Winborn
Love you babe. And miss you. Even if I don't show it. Have fun. Be safe. And enjoy them while you can.
Sep 19, 8:50 pm

The only text saved from my birthday. Even though we go in and out of talking, let's stay life long pals, mmk? Miss you. Love you. Don't be a stranger.

From: Lando Michael Winborn
I hope I still matter. I miss you. Sorry I'm so busy. I wish I had more time. You're amazing. And I know you're tired of hearing it. But I mean it. Hope I can somehow see you.
Oct 9, 11:37 pm

And the winner with two!!! Haha. You're one of my best friends, and you'll always matter. And, you're one of only two people that tell me that I'm amazing. And neither of you are here with me. So, thanks, pal! And one day, one day I promise to visit.

From: Corey Fag
What time? I'm bringing bearded men.
Oct 16, 4:56 pm

Ahaha. This one makes me smile every time I read it. And for those of you who know why, kudos.

From: adam patrick
You're all mine now.
October 29, 10:51 pm

I don't just jump into relationships for the hell of it. The night before:

"I need a cigarette to talk about this.
I read your blog.
I want to be the one one that woos you.
I want to sweep you off your feet.
I want to be that boy."

I said we lacked depth, and after some convincing, he shared with me some very personal things about his past.
Lately, he's started to share little details. I appreciate it. But it's still lacking. I want to work with him. Give him time. But if he could just spill about his past that one night, I don't see how now is any different. I don't expect it to be easy or fun for him, but I feel as though we're just stuck. There's no real forward motion.

He's full of so much charm and compassion, but ever since I made our relationship official, he's given up on working towards anything.

He works a ridiculous amount. I feel bad for him. He doesn't really have much time for himself. And I think it's really getting to him. I don't hold that against him. He's doing what he has to survive. And I admire him for it.

He really is a great guy whether he realizes it or not. I think he's wonderful. He showed me a lot of his good side when we first started hanging out. He needs to give himself some more credit.

But now he's having all of these issues with his past. And I cannot help at all. I'm kept completely in the dark. There's nothing I hate more than knowing that someone I care about is having a hard time and I can't do anything to make it better. One thing that Christopher taught me, was to open up to someone. It was the hardest thing I ever did. But I felt a lot better afterward. One shouldn't have to hold onto all of that baggage. Let it out. Let it go.

I also have a really big issue with disrespect. I don't freak out over stupid comments and remarks on the internet because I myself mess around at times. Just being silly. Not taking things very seriously. But I don't comment on my ex's pictures stating that's where I first fell for him or show that I'm still hung up on him through my status. So once again, damn that Facebook and its lovely newsfeed.

An upside, I think I'm going to go home for Thanksgiving. Well, not home, but Colorado. The fam is going meeting up at Venedy's for a few days. I really need a break from Chicago. It'll be the first time in three months.

I need my Cailey Bug back. I can shower all my love and affection on her. Her love is unconditional and I cannot be down with her around.

Bleh, being a hopeless romantic can sure get old. But I cannot imagine being any other way. I was made to love. Love isn't something we make up just to pass the time. For me, to love is to live. I could not live without love. It's easy to love people who want to be loved. But I need to work on loving those who don't. I really think that's what I was created for. To spread love. I often times get sidetracked with my own issues, but who doesn't need improvement? I'm a work on it.



And I'll end with thoughts from an old friend of mine:
" I used to think I knew everything and that love was nothing more than something we've all made up to pass the time...I was wrong, and I am thankful for that. You know love is real when it finds you when you weren't trying to find it. I'm glad she found me."


sigh.