Little Miss Pessimism

A couple of days ago, I hit a pivotal point in time where I realised everything was going to be alright. It was such a great feeling. I'd been extremely stressed out over the roommate, friends, relationships, and my family. But everything seemed to be coming together. I was ready to tackle anything that came along. Being happy just to be happy is one of the greatest feelings imaginable.

It's funny how in just a few days, life can completely 180. I'm referring to every aspect. Not just one little squirmish. The new roommate flaked on me...but I don't blame her. She couldn't afford to pay for her rent anyway. But now I'm stuck with my stuff just sitting in her boyfriend's apartment. Once again, I'm sick of shitty friends. And for once, I'm not going to give in and act like it's alright now. I'm tired of being walked all over.

I almost quit my job yesterday. I was done. Done with merely "dealing." I was ready to give up and go home. I eventually went in an hour and a half late without calling in. For some crazy reason, they didn't fire me. That's my only solid reason for still being here. That's the only stable aspect of my life. So that's what I have...work. That's what I have going for me.

Maybe going back home would be best for me. I left because the area was stagnant. Never growing, never changing. But here, thing are only changing for the worse. So maybe being stuck at a manageable level there would be better for me.

I held such a vast amount of goals and ambitions when I moved here. I still remember having them recently. Now I feel as though they've all been sucked out of me. Every last one.

I have no idea what I'm doing...Where I'm going.
I fucking hate everything.
And everyone.


"And you can try to fight this all you want,
but I won't be there, I won't be there when you're all alone.
This new season, it brings with it signs of hope, hope.
Now you can't leave me, you can't leave me waiting all alone, all alone.

And I know, there is
Some place I can go
Where no one knows my name.

And I can still remember, you know I can still hear your voice, your voice.
Although your silence, your silence still rings so clear.
And do you think, and do you think I would call
just to hear you breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe?
You always knew, you always knew that just one word would dry up all my tears."