Day Off

I find myself questioning more and more often why I'm still here. Why am I in Chicago? Sometimes it would just be nice to have one person...ONE person here that I already know..that already knows me. I miss having people around that I grew up with. People I'd do anything for. People who would do anything for me.

My friends here are far from superficial. They are great. It's just not the same though. We don't have the history to back up our friendships.

I hate this apartment. I'm tired of being screwed out of opportunities to leave it. I'm far too nice to call people out on their shortcomings, but it's getting ridiculous. I cannot keep waiting around. I have to look out for myself first and foremost.

I miss my family. The family I haven't seen in almost four months. My mom is my new best friend. I talk to her daily for hours on the phone. I even talk to my sister on a regular basis. Yes, the middle wild child that hated me the last two year I lived with them. I just wish I could be there for her. She's been through a lot and is going through a lot now. Then there's the youngest...little Amber. Only now she's twelve years old. By the beginning of next year, she'll be a teenager. My mom tells me she's hitting "that" stage now. She's entirely too boy crazy and is starting with the rebellion my mom has already dealt with twice around. I want to be there to warn her about boys. To be there when she feels used and let down.

I need to get out of this depression. This standstill.