Hitchhiker's Guide to Living

Originally, I thought this post was going to be a recap of my day with a kid who hitchhiked up here from Texas. I planned to write about all the neat things I tried to show him in the city. I bought him lunch. Gave him my extra septum retainer so that he could find a job and start anew in the city. He confided in me and I touched the edge of my tale.

This is no longer my story. My story is of a naive girl. This boy isn't interested in being helped out. In fact, he believed I was the one in need of assistance. By the end of the night, all he wanted to discuss is how I could go back to a place filled with unspeakable secrets. I never went into detail about my situation. But he knew. How, I'm not sure I'll ever know. But this stranger was ready to jump into action to help me out when all my closest friends could do is leave a place for me on their couch every now and then.

I'm not sure what he thought could possibly be done right now with the situation. My light of hope in the situation seems to have dissipated abruptly. What am I doing? On the walk back home in the middle of the night, I finally broke out into tears. What is happening to me? I try to come off as this independant person starting out on her own with everything under control. But what stability do I really have? I work. That's about it. I have friends that continue to come and go. People flake out. I'm so opposed to getting attached to anyone these days. People only let you down. But I'm realizing now that no one should have to battle things out on their own. I've become attached to three great girls. Yes, girls. I can't even describe what it feels like to be able to trust girls again. After Jackie, I didn't think it'd happen again...at least not any time soon. But I was proved wrong, and I'm truly thankful for that.

I'm so confused right now. I'm not really sure what I'm doing or what I plan to do. But I'm beginning to realize that this pretending to be alright is pointless. It's not helping me out in any way. Some issues shouldn't be faced alone. I just have to push myself to make the next move. I just wish I knew what the right move was.

But even more importantly, I wish I knew how to be there for someone whom I cherish more than almost anything that I have going on. I don't want to screw things up. I just don't know what to do. Hopefully, something will come to me by morning.