Step Back

Earlier today, I was overcome by an incredible urge to blog. I was extremely upset and wanted to get it all out. Unfortunately, I had a lot going on at the moment and didn't have time to mess with it. Now, I'm glad that I put it off.

Her mother still refuses to have anything to do with me. As though I'm some sort of disease that has affected her daughter. And today was the final straw. Or so I thought. I've stood up to my family in her defense. I refused to pretend she wasn't gay just to make them feel more comfortable. That wouldn't be fair to myself or her. I was taking her as my date to the wedding no matter what they had to say about it. They are my family, and they will either accept my lifestyle, or I do not want anything to do with them.

It would never come to that. At least, that's what I tell myself. They may not all understand it, but as their blood, I expect them to accept it and to be supportive of ME and who I care about. But if it were to come down to it, I would disown them for not being supportive before they could even think to disown me for my choices. That's just how it is with me. I expect to be loved unconditionally and treated like any other member of the family. And I am not afraid to call anyone out on being unfair and close minded.

It just hurt so badly that she once again crumbled under her mother's glare and agreed to not bring me to her parents renewal of the vows ceremony and party. Why? Because her mother isn't ready to be asked if I'm her daughter's girlfriend. I was completely overcome by rage immediately. Why is it that I am to stick up to my family when she can't do the same for me?

I have given myself time to cool down over it. And I've realized that the anger was covering up how I really felt. It hurt. It still hurts. But I came across a blog to her mother tonight, and I realized that not everyone can handle things the way that I do. I'm definitely not capable of handling everything single handed, but I am one tough cookie. I refuse to let people talk to me or treat me differently because of how I look, my views, or my lifestyle. Not even my family. I'm not saying that I think she has a stronger allegiance to her family at all. I love my family dearly. But I feel that your family should always be the first to back you in anything and everything. And if they don't, I don't feel that I owe them anything special for doing what they were expected to do for me in the first place. You choose to have kids, you better be ready to support them, raise them, accept them for who they are. For who God created them to be.

She has different views than me. And her family structure is nothing like my own. So I need to practice some patience and try to let her deal with this in her own time. I can't expect her to handle the situation as I would. Because she isn't me. She is extremely caring and through it all, she feels bad for hurting her mother. Even though she has nothing to be sorry for. She is who she is. And she is one of the most amazing people I have ever met. I am lucky to have her in my life, and that woman is lucky to have her as a daughter. And if she doesn't start to catch on, she's going to lose her forever.

She is perfect just the way God created her.

And I cannot wait so see her again.