Down

I want to be happy. I want to be supportive. I should be happy that she's making new friends. I want to be proud that everyone thinks she's so pretty...

But the more she talked, the more sick I ended up. I don't understand. I'm perfectly fine one moment, and the next I'm leaning over the toilet gagging and crying. Am I going crazy?

Do I resent her for having all that I want? I desire nothing more than to be back in Chicago with my friends. I was used to making new friends constantly and going to parties three and four times a week. I want to be back there so desperately.

I'm not happy. I don't care how beautiful it is here. It doesn't matter how nice the people are. I don't care that the drama factor is significantly lower. I just want to go back. I need to go back. And I don't want to wait until July.

I'm such an unsatisfied bitch toward her at times. I am well aware that it's not just over the things she does. It's isn't solely due to the fact that we don't always see eye to eye. No, I have to bring all of my issues into the mix and take it out on her.

This is what I do. I push people away when things are going badly for me.



I am so fucked.