Gone

I'm officially out of Chicago.
My departure was pretty uneventful. I expected something more I suppose. Then again, I did not even take the time to look back. I am sure that if I would have, it would have resulted in me breaking down completely. But that came once I made it to my destination anyway.

I am saddened by the way things have ended. There was so much that I wanted to be able to say. But I could not bring myself to do it. I was completely overwhelmed by my emotions at the time. A mixture of resentment, hurt, and love. I wrote a letter. However, I felt guilty over what I had to say. It was horrid. But I really felt all of it. Maybe he deserved to know how he made me feel. I am trying to tell myself that it was enough to just get it all out in writing. There is no reason in brining a person down merely to make me feel better.

But that is it. It is done and over. That is the last time I will ever be able to speak to him about us. There no longer is an "us." There has not been for quite some time now. I need to focus on moving on at this point.

How do you allow yourself to grow closer to such an amazing person when you are still head over heels for another? This is a tough task to face. But I am attempting to give it my all. She is everything I need. It is about time I give a good person a chance. I have always made time for those unworthy of a shot. It is about time that changes.

For the next couple of days, I am going to work on dealing with the heartache. I am going to rest up and spend some time with my family. Then I will work on forward progression. Off to Colorado.

I have left the people I care about. I have left all I have worked for. I have left the city I love all over someone who does not care for me in return. I felt it. It was real for me. And it will take me quite some time to get over. But it is something I have to get to work on before it drives me insane.