2009

We're off to a wonderful start.

I shouldn't have assumed that the weather would be the worst of it. This isn't about boys. For once, this isn't even about me. I received a call this week from my mother to inform me that my grandma has cancer. How does someone deal with that? I've never had anyone close to me diagnosed with cancer. I can't even say it out loud. It sounds so foreign. It sounds so definite.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I'm five hours away. I don't have any family here to talk to. My friends are busy with their own issues. And now I have this major issue thrown at me and I'm all alone. I don't know how to handle it. I don't know how to talk about it.

The person I wanted to be able to talk to about things now has a new girlfriend. Which he never told me about of course. Ohhhhh, he's cut all communication off with me period. So I'm not even worth being friends with, apparently.

It's funny how people can do that. Just all the sudden toss you to the side and forget about you. Not even the common decency to tell you before hand. OR apologize.

I can move it. Hasn't been the first time. Definitely won't be the last. But I can't without closure. I have to have goodbyes. That's how I've always been. And for the most part, I've been able to stay friends.

This is a whole new situation for me. I've never been this disrespected in my life. No, not even by Christopher. Never did I think I'd say that. But I moved to Chicago and am surrounded by people only looking out for themselves. Maybe I really am too nice to be here. I just expect too many great things out of people. And I'm constantly let down.

Oh, and I accidently had an after-after hours party last tuesday. Only to find people doing lines of coke in my bathroom and in the living room. It doesn't matter how great people seem when I meet them. They're all fucking screwed up. And I can't keep doing this.